


Signs of life

by Offbrand_Valk



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, With A Twist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-20 12:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9490781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Offbrand_Valk/pseuds/Offbrand_Valk
Summary: After the battle of New York, Natasha convinces Maria to go on a pretend date as civilians.Feelings occur, and one fake date becomes several.





	1. Mary and Natalie pt. 1

Maria looked herself in the mirror one final time before going out.

 

This felt weird, not bad weird, new and scary weird.

She had never been much of a dress woman, but she was trying to change that.

She was wearing a long dark blue dress bought specifically for the occasion, and her fanciest leather jacket, fresh from the wash.

Her hairdo on the other hand was simple, just a neater version of the hair bun she wore to work.

She’d debated for a long time whether to wear nail polish, at the end of the day her cover won out over her comfort zone.

And so Mary Holt took a taxi to a fancy restaurant in downtown.

 

Natasha was waiting for her at the entrance wearing an equally as fancy dress.

After taking a moment to steady herself, she walked up to the disguised redhead, and smiled what she categorized as her “customer service smile”.

“Hey. Are you Natalie?”

The Black Widow sent her a pleasant smile, that was both completely her, and so fake it looked photoshopped on.

“Hey yourself, I’m guessing you’re Mary? The picture didn’t do you justice.”

 

Maria had gone along with Natasha’s idea because, well, it seemed fun.

And after FUCKING ALIENS had launched a full scale attack on New York, Maria could do with some R&R.

Supposedly Natasha went on these undercover dates all the time, though usually she just found someone on tinder, without telling them she was playing a role.

It was her way of relaxing, disguise yourself as somebody having fun.

Maria wasn’t one to judge.

 

Having each ordered a large steak with pommes dauphinoise, (after saving the whole world they felt they deserved something greasy and simple, this was as close as they got to burger with fries) they began making small talk.

Natalie told Mary about her ill-fated job working at Stark’s legal department. In return Mary told her made up stories from working at the FBI.

It was... not awkward, just kind of boring really.

 

Until Natasha began anxiously tearing at her napkin.

“Can I admit something?” She asked staring at a spot behind and to the left of  Maria’s head.

“Of course” Maria answered in what she hoped was a natural tone. Her interest had been piqued.

“The people who raised me weren’t exactly what you would call progressive, so I kind of grew up thinking of girl-girl relationships as a sex thing, not you know a love thing. I learned to accept my bisexuality in my 20’s, but this is actually the first time I’ve you know, gone out with a woman. So there’s that.” Natasha ended her rambling speech, with an awkward bowing motion.

Maria took a few moments to process, she felt like Mary would have done the same.

 

How much of what Natalie said was inspired by the Black Widow’s own life, god only knew.

It rang surprisingly close to Maria’s own experiences, which she mentally adapted to Mary’s life.

“That’s actually a relief to hear, the last time I had anything close to romantic with a girl, was in my sophomore year. After that I guess I got too focused on work and everything else to worry much about partners in general.” Of course Mary hadn’t had trouble with “don’t ask don’t tell”, Hill figured Romanoff could probably fill in the blanks.

 

With those admissions out of the way, they were able to talk a lot more freely.

They joked and laughed all the way through the main course.

Then just as dessert arrived Natalie began rambling about star wars, then quickly stopped herself, just as it was getting interesting.

“It tends to scare men off when I get passionate on the first date.” She remarked with a downcast look in her eyes.

“Good thing I’m not a man then. Ramble away.” Mary remarked, chuckling a little bit from the enjoyment of flirting with a woman while stone cold sober (well, way more sober than she had been the last time, some 10 years ago).

Natalie didn’t accept her invitation, so Maria figured she’d have to show her how okay she was with tangents and passion.

So she began telling her about Yi Sun-Sin, hero of the Imjin war, and greatest navy commander that ever lived.

The plan backfired, Natalie (or was it Natasha, it was hard to tell) was so enthralled by Maria’s storytelling, that by the time Mary had finished telling about his heroic death during the battle of Noryang, she had let herself be roped into promising to talk about the Sengoku period.

 

Eventually they couldn’t draw out the date any longer.

Standing outside the restaurant, holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes, they rocked back and forth to keep warm. All the while waiting for the other to break the silence.

“So... I had fun.” The Black Widow admitted in a voice that was unmistakably her.

“Me too.” Assistant director Hill replied, not sure where the conversation was going.

“Do you think Mary could be convinced to go on a second date.” Yes, yes she could, in fact she was planning it right as they spoke.

“Depends, how would Natalie feel about it?” Maria answered, as if they didn’t both know the answer to that question.

 

They weren’t ready to leave just yet, even though they both knew they should.

“Where do we go from here?” Maria asked once her heels started cutting off the blood to her toes.

“For the time being, our separate ways, then we can talk about a next time some other day.” Natasha said, a hint of melancholy in her voice.

“Good idea, is it okay if I do something rash first?” Was Maria’s final question of the night.

Natasha nodded her approval.

 

They leaned closer to each other, still holding unto each other’s hands.

Natasha was really regretting wearing flats. She had to stand on her tippy toes, with Maria bending uncomfortably forward for their libs to meet.

It was chaste, and quick. Almost over before it began.

They both had a dreamy look in their eyes as they pulled away.

Seeing each other again after a moments bliss scared them to pull apart.

 

They turned away from each other, preparing themselves to find separate taxis home.

“Just out of curiosity Hill, was that you kissing me, or Mary kissing Natalie?”

“Which would you like it to be?”

“Let me get back to you on that one.”


	2. Mary and Natalie pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary and Natalie go on another date, Maria and Natasha try to figure out what their relationship is, a tiny bit of angst as Nat thinks back to her childhood.

Between alien stragglers, a disappearing scepter, and PR-work it was more than a month before Natalie and Mary were able to go on another date.

Maria and Natasha texted back and forth  in the meantime.

They agreed for something less formal the next time. It reminded Natalie too much of work, and Mary just didn’t like paying so much for a meal (they were still very much on the “split the bill” level).

Natalie had suggested a movie. That was too impersonal for Mary.

Mary wanted to go to a museum. That was a bit too cultural for Natalie’s spare time.

In the end they settled on a walk around the park, passing through the food market along the way. They both agreed it wasn’t a real date without getting something to eat.

 

If Maria thought she had been worried before the first date, it was nothing compared to the second. She bought so many outfits, trying to find just the one that was exactly Mary trying to wear something Natalie would like.

She had promised herself she wouldn’t wear a leather jacket, promised herself she would find something more sophisticated to wear. The green canvas jacket she ended up in wasn’t really that. It had been a while since either Maria or Mary had dressed for anything except work, or a night out with the squad.

The jeans were nice though, high waisted, and making her ass look great.

Did Natalie like asses?

 

Unknown to Maria, Natasha was also sweating the date.

The first one had been great, asking Maria along had been a matter of convenience more than anything else.

She hadn’t expected to have the greatest “date” of her life (which admittedly wasn’t saying a lot).

So she really wanted date number 2 to work out.

Natalie was a bit of a spoiled girl, it came with going from modelling to law school. Long walks weren’t her thing, unless they were along private beaches in the height of summer.

Mary was different, and not just because of the gender. Mary felt more intimate, less like a transaction, more like a connection.

 

While Natasha was taking things rationally, she decided that Natalie was definitely freaking out.

Did she even have the right footwear for walking on grass?

She tried to live every day like her last, which was why she had let Mary kiss her the first time around. Now she definitely wanted more.

She spent a lot of time worrying that Mary wouldn’t like the taste of her lips, especially since they hadn’t even talked about the kiss since that night.

 

Mary looked stunning leaning against a wrought iron gate.

Natalie and Natasha had both been taught to view other women as competition first and foremost.

Natalie didn’t care, she marched right up to the tall brunette, took her hand, and only then greeted her with a winning smile.

“Hey there.” Mary said with a dopey smile, and a gentle squeeze of her hand.

“Hey yourself. It’s been a while, hope you haven’t had too much fun without me.” Came Natalie’s swift, and certainly not rehearsed reply (she was a badass lawyer, who didn’t need to practice in front of a mirror before talking to pretty girls).

“Please I’ve been filling forms, and yelling at rookies all month. You could lecture me on international trade agreements and I would still be having a great time.” With that they were off into the park.

 

As they walked, their hands swung side by side, only occasionally touching, for the barest hint of a second.

Both of them wanted to hold hands, neither of them wanted to be the one to initiate contact.

At some point their hands just naturally slotted into each other without their notice.

 

The park itself was, well, a park. Natasha wasn’t sure what she’d expected, there were some trees, some grass, and a small lake with a lot of trash at the bottom.

For a moment Natalie was worried Mary was the type to start vexing poetically about nature’s splendor.

Luckily that wasn’t the case, her date was happy just following the conversation wherever it took them, and fill the pauses with humming hard to identify tunes.

Natasha thought she could get used to this, it was a game of pretend, no doubt, but Natasha liked games of pretend.

 

In the red room, getting to practice undercover work, was the closest they came to play.

Of course madame B. had made sure to keep things in order, and prevent it from descending into something fun.

Maybe that was why she had taken up the hobby of going on undercover dates, to make baba yaga’s wretched daughter turn over in her grave.

 

She was yanked from her gloomy trail of thought, when Maria tried pulling her hand free to help her gesticulate.

Natasha held on, by pure instinct. They looked at each other, then at their conjoined hands, then they laughed.

“You like my hand huh?” Mary said with a tone that was both adoring and teasing.

“Mine now.” Natalie shrugged, and catwalked onwards, pulling her date along.

 

Now that they were aware of their interlocked fingers it felt different.

As they crossed into the picnic area it was like everyone was staring at them.

They let go simultaneously, neither of them remarking on it.

 

“So tell me if I’m overstepping my bounds here, what exactly do you do for a living these days? You mentioned having worked for SI, but I got the impression you left?” The question came apropos of nothing in particular.

It raised an interesting question however. Would Natalie misrepresent the truth to make a good impression on a girl she liked? Would she ever!

“Not at all, at the moment I’m working for a fashion conglomerate, I also try to find time for volunteer legal services, though with all the travelling it’s hard.” So yeah, Natalie had never worked volunteer anything a day in her life, and maybe calling the company she worked for a “conglomerate” was a bit generous.

She was on a date with a real life FBI agent that had the build of an amazon warrior princess, what was she supposed to do? Tell her she still drank like a college student every Friday night?

“Impressive.” Mary said in a voice that was very Maria. “I take it that means you still take an interest in fashion.” She continued subtly correcting her voice and posture back to that of Mary Holt.

“A bit I suppose. Why, need some pointers about putting together an outfit.” It was meant as a joke, a chance for Mary to ask her if she thought there was something wrong with the way she dressed.

Her “Oh dear god, yes please?” came as a bit of a surprise. Natasha noticed the little gleam in Maria’s eyes, that was a calculated move.

2 could play that game.

 

“I’d love to, though there’s nothing in my magazines that talk about what goes well with split knuckles.” Natasha of course knew how Maria had split her knuckles, or rather she knew it involved a tall bald guy named Dieter who was now in S.H.I.E.L.D. custody.

She wanted to see what Maria could think of on the fly.

“It’s actually, uhm, god it’s such an embarrassing story: I was at the gym, and I was trying to change song on my phone, while running on the treadmill, and long story short I stumbled over the cord, tried to brace myself with my hands and here we are.”

Hill clearly still remembered some of her undercover training, she smoothly stalled for time by feigning embarrassment, and kept her story vague without being conspicuous.

Obviously the injury didn’t match the way it had happened, but Natalie didn’t know that, the closest she had ever been to a fight, was writing mean things on the walls of her high school bathroom.

 

They dropped the charade for lunch. It wasn’t something they had agreed upon beforehand, it just felt right.

Plus Natasha could not be bothered with eating her duck confit sandwich, at patron saint of uptown girls: Natalie Rushmann’s  pace.

It was nice to know that Maria agreed that once a sandwich cost more than 10$, there was only one way to eat it.

Like a starving wolf.

 

“A fashion conglomerate, really Romanoff? Guessing the volunteer work is the Avengers then?” Maria asked with her mouth full of Reuben sandwich.

“Oh please, Natalie has never so much as looked at a charity, and it’s just some semi-respected magazine. She’s lying to get in Mary’s pants.” Natasha would have followed Maria’s example of talking with her mouth full, if she didn’t fear wasting precious confit duck.

“Is that so?” Came Maria’s reply, her hands now resting under her chin, sandwich still in hand. “she doesn’t beat around the bush does she?”

Natasha shrugged, she wasn’t opposed to acting out that part of the relationship. It was why she had chosen Hill of all people, because she could keep it under wraps, and nothing more than a hobby.

Hill wouldn’t fall in love out of turn.

“Mary is a lot more mature than her usual partners, I mean she had a fling with Tony Stark for god’s sake, so she wants her to stick around. Not to mention she doesn’t feel like her identity will be valid until she has had sex with a woman.”

Maria took a huge bite of her sandwich, and chewed thoughtfully while Natasha spoke. “That’s stupid, attraction and sexual experience has nothing to do with each other. Otherwise I’d only count as bisexual when my blood alcohol content was above 0,04... That sounded less unflattering in my head.”

Natasha just shrugged again. “I know, Natalie doesn’t.” While that was technically true, Natasha couldn’t shake the feeling that she had already been too sullied to be worthy of Maria’s touch.

 

Once they had finished their sandwiches, they began steering towards the exit.

There was just one topic they still needed to cover.

“So about that kiss last time?” Natasha asked, staring straight ahead.

“Did you decide who it was between.” Came Maria’s neutral reply, she was trying to ensure that Natasha didn’t feel pressured into anything. She respected the gesture, even though it wouldn’t have changed her opinion no matter what.

“I think we’re keeping it between Mary and Natalie. I’m not capable of love, that was taken from me a long time ago.” Natasha told herself it was for the better, that she would just be stringing Maria along otherwise.

“I understand, and respect that. Please tell me if I accidentally start blurring the lines between Mary and Maria. I don’t want to embarrass myself.” With most people, Natasha would have taken the willingness to accept with a grain of salt. She didn’t have to with Maria, she didn’t sugarcoat things, didn’t try to tell people what they wanted to hear.

So when she said she was fine with them just being pretend-lovers she meant it.

Which was all the more disheartening to Natasha.

 

She knew she couldn’t love, it was just one of many things The Red Room had deprived her of.

Maria made her want to try, and that was terrifying. Natasha knew how it would end: with Maria hurt, and Natasha’s already short list of friends dwindling further.

How else could it possibly end?

People like her didn’t get happy endings, those had to be earned.


	3. Mary and Natalie pt. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Mary and Natalie smooch lots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... funny story, these first 3 chapters were actually supposed to be one whole story, but i felt like it flowed better like this.

 

Natalie did a flourish with her arm, to show off the terrace. “It’s not the best view in the world, but it’s mine and I like it.”

They could see around the neighborhood and down the street, there weren’t any tall skyscrapers around to block their view of the night sky.

“So, how do we do this?” Mary asked. “Do we just lie down, look up, and wait for conversation to happen?”

“Luckily your amazing girlfriend came prepared!” Natalie half yelled from the other end of the rooftop, while she brought out the basket she had placed there earlier.

Mary walked over to take the wine bottle and glasses from her girlfriend, as their hands met they kissed for just a second.

 

She tried and failed to school her features while pouring the wine.

Had she known dating women would be like this she would have sought it out earlier in her life.

No it wasn’t about Natalie being a woman, it was about Natalie being Natalie. Who was stressed, and tired, and dead on her feet, after travelling for a week, but still wanted to watch the stars.

They lay down next to each other on a blanket.

To Maria and Natasha, a thick woolen blanket on a cold rooftop qualified as a bed, so they decided that Mary and Natalie would be equally as comfortable there, so as to not ruin the mood.

 

When they’d had their fill of cookies, chips (“who eats vinegar and garlic chips Nat?” “I do!” “I’m not kissing you if you are!” “We both know that’s not true!”), jerky, and trailmix, Natalie brought out some more blankets for them to climb under.

Natalie moved in closer, wrapping her body around the taller woman, while never looking away from the night sky.

“Penny for your thoughts.” Mary remarked while idly running her right hand through her girlfriend’s red locks.

“The future. Our future to be precise.” Maria wasn’t sure whether it was Natalie or Natasha talking.

“I hope there will be more of this.” She said after a moments consideration, the answer applied no matter who had asked.

 

Natalie slowly turned around under the blanket, and began resting her chin on Mary’s breast.

“Is that so?” She asked with a voice laced with hunger. “What would more of this entail?” Natalie continued, running 2 fingers along the inside of Mary’s jeans-clad thigh as she did so.

“Maybe some of that too. But not tonight, I want to talk about that beforehand.” Mary smiled genuinely, and slightly apologetically.

“Don’t be sad, it is a good point, I just got caught up in the moment.” Natalie looked disappointed in herself.

Mary stroked her hair some more, snuggled a bit closer, and began looking up at the sky.

Natalie hummed in content.

 

“Hey Hill can I ask you one more thing before we start dozing off?”

“If it’s whether I would be okay with sleeping on the roof for the night, the answer is a definitive yes.”

“It wasn’t though now that you mention it, it doesn’t seem like a half bad idea, then again I have a superhuman immune system to protect me, you don’t. Anyways, what I wanted to ask is: how attached are you to Natalie and Mary. I don’t want to stop this thing we’ve got going, I was just wondering if you’d want to experiment with some other covers once in a while?”

“No that sounds like fun, not that I’ve grown bored of our 2 lovebirds.”

“Me neither, but you know what they say.”

“Variety is the spice of life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I kinda want to make a thing out of Maria and Nat experimenting with different relationship dynamics, as a surrogate for a normal relationship (or maybe as part of it?), so if you have any ideas for dates you would like to see them go on, or dynamics you'd want to see them explore (or both), feel free to either comment here, or hit me up at http://offbrand-valk.tumblr.com/
> 
> As always, kudos, comments and critique are loved and cherished.


	4. Maddie and Nadia pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria and Natasha begin experimenting with different dynamics and roles. 
> 
> In this case high school sweethearts, with one of them being a stay at home wife.

 

She let herself into Hill’s apartment at a little past 2 in the afternoon.

 

Their date wasn’t for another 5-6 hours (depending on how much overtime Maria ended up having to put in), Natasha wanted to familiarize herself with the environment.

With her she had 2 bags, one full of groceries, the other containing a few potential outfits for the night (and some weapons, just in case).

 

Hill’s apartment was largely what she had expected: stylish, spartan, well kept, it looked like something out of a magazine, with a few homely touches.

The walls were white, the wardrobe was vintage, the tables were thick enough to stop rounds from a handgun, and the windows offered a good view of the street.

It looked and felt like her own apartment to an almost suspicious degree. Minus the litterbox, and the leftovers in the fridge were fish pie not potato pancakes.

 

It had been Natasha’s idea to try and experiment more with relationship dynamics, and she had always wanted to feel what it was like to be a house wife.

She knew it would never be the life for her. She didn’t trust herself to be the caretaker of anyone, she felt compelled to kill everyone who got close to her, and she couldn’t knit to save her life.

Maybe that was why she had taken an interest in domesticity in the style of a 1950’s sitcom.

 

Natasha had meant to clean a bit while learning where everything was located and gettings into character, but the apartment was spotless.

She found a night shirt that had narrowly missed the hamper, and a rogue spoon that had somehow made its way behind the fridge (not under, behind).

 She would have to have a serious talk with her “wife” about appropriate housekeeping habits on date night.

 

It was still much too early to begin making the lasagna, so she had nothing to do but fall down on the couch, mess up Maria’s netflix queue, and be annoyed by the absence of a fluffy demon to lie on her chest.

She supposed she could decide on an outfit, but she was a little surprised by how comfy Maria’s couch was. The throw pillows were really soft, smelled good too.

She probably had time for an episode of Brooklyn 99... Or maybe a few.

 

Before she knew she got a text from her “wife” Madeleine. “Hey sweetie, sorry work dragged out, I’ll be home in 30 minutes.”

Okay so she had sort of lost track of time, which wasn’t very like her.

Though really, it wasn’t her fault. Maria’s couch was just so nice, and the blanket she had found was the best she had ever dozed off under. She had to ask Maria what laundry detergent she was using to get her stuff to be that soft.

That wasn’t important right now, what was important was that she hadn’t picked an outfit yet.

 

She threw her clothes out on the couch to get an overview. Mom-jeans and a loose white t-shirt would have to do the job. That way she looked attractive, but also like someone who hadn’t fully accepted leaving her 20’s.

It wasn’t as casual as she would have liked it to be, and she had hoped to do something with her hair, but she was under time constraints.

From a pocket in her bag she found 2 plain gold wedding bands, and slipped one on her finger, it was the little things that helped sell the illusion.

Then she began cooking at a leisurely pace. Nadia didn’t dislike cooking, in fact she very much like it (unlike Natasha who considered it a necessary evil), she just preferred doing it at a speed where she could enjoy her work.

Part of the reason why she had chosen to become a stay at home wife.

 

She finely diced the onions, celery,  and carrots, and threw them all in a pot to sweat, while she washed the spinach.

The whole stay at home, and live off your SO’s money was a bit old fashioned.

Nadia didn’t fear that they would grow apart, they had gotten together in middle school and stuck like glue ever since, she used to have a job as a graphics designer, then the financial crisis had hit and she’d gotten laid off.

While looking for a job, her and Maddie had realized just how comfortably they could live off of just Madeleine’s upper management job, and the occasional commission for Nadia’s work.

She sort of just decided to stop looking for a job, once they realized how dependent Maddie had become on having food waiting for her when she came home.

Maybe Natasha had spent a little too long thinking about their cover identities.

 

Natasha heard the door open, Nadia was too busy frying mince and singing along to Demi Lovato.

Maria came into the house, loudly taking her shoes off, before “sneaking” into the kitchen.

Madeleine stood behind her wife, and ever so slowly lowered her head down so they were level, and placed a soft kiss on the redhead’s cheek.

Nadia sighed with pleasure, before turning around.

“Hey babe.” Madeleine said with an expression of pure wonder (that Natasha was very glad she taught Maria).

“Hey yourself, how was work?” Before Maddie had time to answer, she was pulled into an open mouthed kiss, that made not just the day’s but the whole week’s stress just melt away. (And gave the Black Widow all the distraction she needed to slip the other ring on her finger.)

“16 years of marriage, and you still greet me the same way.” Madeleine chuckled as they finally pulled apart. “It was fine, nothing out of the ordinary, every bit as tiring as every other day.”

Maria slumped her shoulder, in a way that looked much too natural to be entirely Madeleine.

“Well it’s a good thing your amazing wife almost has dinner ready then!” Nadia looked to the meat that was still frying and the cheese she was only half done grating. “If you count 45 minutes to an hours as just about ready. Sorry sweetie I lost track of time.”

“Well is there anything your amazing wife can do to help?” Maddie teased, before going to wash her hands.

“Would you mind fixing the mornay sauce, while I finish prepping the other things?” She yelled over her shoulder before going back to ensuring the meat didn’t burn.

They worked closer than was strictly necessary, humming along to the radio, only getting in a tiny fight, over whether or not to change the channel once madonna came on.

 

With the lasagna in the oven, they sat down next to each other on the couch.

Nadia began finding a movie to watch, while getting ready to cuddle up to her wife. Only to find that Maddie was faster and had already leaned into Nadia and wrapped her hands around the shorter woman’s arm.

Natasha was more than okay with that development. Usually when she cuddled someone, well it was a mark, but besides that she was usually the cuddler, not cuddlé, it was nice to shake things up.

And she’d forgotten how soft Maria’s hair was, no Maddie’s!

 

Nadia began running her fingers through Maddie’s hair, it was just so shiny and smooth, how could she not.

“Have you considered cutting it?” The thought had just randomly occurred to her.

“Occasionally? It is getting a bit long isn’t it?” Maddie began self-consciously fiddling with a lock of her hair. Nadia was thankful she still wasn’t moving off her shoulder.

“Have you thought about what you want to do with it?” Nadia asked as their fingers brushed past each other for a hint of a second.

“Probably just get it cut to a little less than shoulder length as usual. Unless my wife has any crazy suggestion.” The last part was said while Maddie pressed her lips against Nadia’s neck.

“How about a pixie cut, I think you could really rock it.” Maddie straightened her back slightly while weighing the suggestion.

“Hmm, that’s actually not a half bad idea, let me stew on it for a bit.” With that their fingers interlocked, Maddie rested back against Nadia’s shoulder, and they let the TV rot their brains until Natasha’s phone began blaring at them.

 

“This is really good!” Maria exclaimed surprised after the first mouthful, blatantly breaking her cover.

“Honey you’ve been eating nothing but my cooking for the last 2 years, why are you so shocked?” Natasha chuckled, she wanted to see how good Maria was at salvaging situations.

Not to mention that Natasha was a little proud of her lasagna, Laura had put a lot of time and effort into teaching her how to get the recipe just right.

Maria was very obviously stuffing her face with Lasagna to buy time.

“I’m not sure, this just taste different, better, usually you always cook fancy food, and that’s nice too don’t get me wrong, but just, sometimes a girl just likes a tray full of meat, cheese and tomatoes you know.” The brunette’s tone almost hid how hard she’d been trying to come up with that excuse.

“Babe there’s spinach in it.” Nadia was so not done teasing her wife.

“Spinach isn’t fancy babe. It’s healthy and tasty.”

 “Right I forgot how much of a fitness nerd you were.” Nadia snorted. Sure Natasha was in peak physical condition, but Nadia wasn’t she only ever worked out when her wife dragged her along to the gym, and even then she spent half the time just ogling her wife in a sweaty tank top.

Maddie just snorted in reply, then they both got stuck back into dinner.

 

Maddie ate like a pig, and not one to be outdone, Nadia began to do the same.

Natasha was always painfully aware of how she acted, but she found herself a little less aware around Maria, eating a little more like she would safe at home with Liho.

It bothered her, but in a good way.

 

Having shared 2/3rds of a lasagna, and put the rest in the fridge, they went back to the couch to finish their movie.

From there the evening went by in a blur.

One moment they were halfheartedly watching a car chase through DC, the next they were snoozing against each other (Maddie practically sleeping in Nadia’s lap), and it occurred to Natasha that she should probably end the game, before she had to spent the night.

 

“Was tonight okay Masha?” She asked helping her friend to sit back up.

“I enjoyed it.” Maria said a little drowsy.

“You were okay with letting me into your home?” Natasha continued to push, while shifting to face her.

“Showed me yours, I show you mine, is only fair.” Maria mumbled, making Natasha realize that she was more than a little tired..

“Should we take this conversation tomorrow?”

“Good idea.”

“ are you sure you can find your way to bed on your own?” Maria still managed her trademark deathglare half-drunk with sleepiness.

 

Natasha got off the couch at a glacial pace, and began gathering her things and making ready to leave. In the meantime Maria changed into pajamas.

She stood in the hallway waving goodbye with one hand while brushing her teeth with the other, as Natasha walked away towards the elevator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to send me suggestions for other dates/dynamics you'd like to see them go on, either here in the comments or on tumblr at http://offbrand-valk.tumblr.com/
> 
> Might go back and proofread this again tomorrow when i don't have a healthy portion of alcohol running through my system, it looks coherent from where i'm sitting i promise!


	5. Mary and Natalie pt. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary gets a makeover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it’s been an age since the last update, and im sorry this isn’t longer, but i ran into some nasty writers block and only really got past it last night. hope you guys still enjoy it :D

Maria was genuinely scared for this date, not enough to not go, just enough to almost be late.

 

Maria Hill had always had an analytical mind, it was what made her so good at her job (that and stubbornness). She had yet to encounter a situation she couldn’t think her way out of.

If she could just determine the cause of her anxiety, she could reason it away.

The haircut itself? No she wasn’t scared of change, and if it looked horrible then she would finally have an excuse to get a buzzcut.

Was it letting Natasha give her a makeover? Surprisingly no, Natasha was quickly becoming the person she trusted the most. Not because of the dates, but because the Black Widow had a moral compass stronger than Captain America’s.

The issue was much more simple, the hair salon Natalie had booked her a time at looked like it only accepted customers who had starred in at least 2 major motion pictures in the last 5 years.

 

Natalie had told her to dress smart casual, and Mary had felt smart yet casual when she had left her apartment in a button down, capris and a blazer. Now, she felt less so.

Mary and Maria were both from Chicago, they were not made for the Califoria sun.

That was the only reason her palms were sweaty, not because she couldn’t find Natalie, not because they hadn’t been on a date in what felt like forever, and definitely not because she was about to get the prom night treatment by the world’s deadliest assassin.

 

Only a few minutes too late, Natalie finally came running in sandals¸ bare legs, and a skirt that was skirting (Maria killed herself sometimes) the edge of classy.

They kissed lightly before saying anything. “Hey.” Mary’s eyes were full of adoration, and her smile was broader than it had been in weeks.

“Hey yourself. Are you still sure you want to do this? We can always cancel and go people watching.” Mary pulled her girlfriend in for another, slightly longer kiss.

 

“Yes, I’m ready for this, I just have a few butterflies from all of this...” Mary waved her hand vaguely in the direction of the glass doors.

“Only the best for my girl.” Natalie grinned, and took her hand. Natasha leaned in with her lips against Maria’s ear. “Besides, being the Black Widow earns you a lot of hazard pay, and I don’t know what else to spend it on.” She whispered, before returning to her previous stance facing the door.

Maria gave her shoulder a slight bump, which she hoped said: “I know, I write your pay-cheques.”

 

The moment they walked through the doors, they were met by a bubbly blonde of indeterminate age.

“Natalie! It’s been so long, who’s your friend.” The woman smiled from ear to while, cautiously waiting for permission to hug.

“Mary meet Katelynn, Katelynn meet my girlfriend Mary.” Natalie politely declined the offer by instead showing the 2 women off to each other.

“Oh, uhm, hi, I didn’t know Natalie liked, no sorry I’m making this weird. Let’s talk about your hair.” With that the blonde led them further into the salon, clearly trying not to get tongue tied again.

 

Maria didn’t often treat herself to anything, least of all an expensive haircut, so she was not used to having a blabbering blonde wash her hair for her.

“So... have you thought about how you want to cut it?” The woman asked, while doing something that felt very nice, and very intrusive to her scalp.

“I’m leaving that confidently in Natalie’s hands.” Mary more moaned than spoke, to her own chagrin.

Turns out, Natalie was a bit of a hair geek, or maybe it was Natasha, it was hard to tell with the Black Widow.

No matter what Mary was fine just leaning back and letting the 2 women rummage through her hair and discuss all the subtle nuances of a pixie cut.

 

“So, how did you 2 meet?” Katelynn asked after having washed Mary’s hair and gotten her safely moved to a different chair.

Natasha and Maria looked at each other for a moment, silently asking who should be the one to answer.

A slight nod from Natasha put the ball in Maria’s court.

“Actually it’s a bit of an embarrassing story. We met through Tinder, and hit it off way better than, well for me anyone else I’ve ever met.” Mary underlined her story with a sappy smile in the direction of her girlfriend.

“Oh no, she’s leaving out the best part: Mary is the first girl I ever dated, I was a nervous wreck throughout our first 3 dates.” Natalie’s addition earned her a sarcastic smirk from her girlfriend.

“What? It’s true, you have a very intimidating presence.” The redhead continued sounding mock offended.

“Please tell me I didn’t scare you into becoming my girlfriend.” Mary chuckled, with a hint of worry.

“Nothing could be further from the truth my sun, it’s just that it was a lot to take in all at once, and I wanted...”

“To have it work out.” Mary finished a little breathless.

 

Both women found themselves surprised by how much sappiness they could manage unencouraged.

Eventually Katelynn had to stop them by turning to Mary and asking “So how does this look, I know it needs a bit of cleaning up, but what does your gut tell you?”

Maria spend a lot of time studying herself in the mirror. It was short, not unreasonably short, but she was pretty sure she’d known men with longer hair back during her first tour of duty.

The haircut was just the right amount of practical, to formal, with an edge of femininity.

It was that edge that really sealed the deal for Maria.

Mary placed a chaste kiss on Natalie’s lips, hoping the Black Widow would appreciate the gesture. “I love it.”

 

Cleaning up the haircut took another 20 minutes with everything, which seemed a bit excessive to Mary.

“For the record babe, I’m not getting into the habit of using hair gel.” That was a blatant lie on Mary’s part, they both knew that the moment the date was over, Mary was going to go home and research brands.

“Shame, the look suits you, really gives off that _make straight girl_ ’ _s question their sexuality_ vibe.” Natalie said, bumping Mary’s shoulder slightly.

“You feel like you need competition?” Mary asked with a comically knitted brow.

“Nah, you’re all mine.” Natalie answered, grabbing the taller woman’s hand to prove her point.

 

They opted to walk the whole way down to the beachside.

Natalie was very selective about where she bought her clothes, and wanted to go the extra mile for her girlfriend.

Mary was mentally preparing herself to be run through every upscale dress store on the California coastline in the span of 3 and a half hour.

 

The pace ended up being more manageable than that, if only just.

She was really wishing she had brought a note book to help her remember all the advice she got thrown at her along with suits, shoes, dresses, jewelry and the occasional purse.

Moments later most of the outfits were whisked away again by tailors and clerks of all size and shapes.

She hated to admit it, but Mary felt a bit like a princess on her way to prom, judging by Natalie’s expression she was well aware!.

At the end of the “experience” Mary was left with 2 new suits, a new dress, 2 new pairs of shoes (1 pair of flats, 1 pair of heels), and a fresh layer of makeup which Maria had no idea where or when she’d gotten.

All paid for with the Black Widow’s credit card, which Maria wanted to complain about, however she respected Natasha’s right to make her own choices.

 

They agreed to take a walk by the beach  to round the day off and look for some early dinner.

Natalie was very clingy, almost glued to Mary’s side, with a love-struck smile plastered on her face.

Mary gave her hand a squeeze, to show her approval, normally they weren’t that close a couple, it being pretend and all, this just felt too good to skip.

“I love you, I don’t think I say it enough. I love you so damn much.” Natalie said apropos of nothing, then wrapped her other hand around their already intertwined hands.

“Not that I mind sweetie, but why the sudden closeness?” Mary was pretty sure her sly grin could be seen from space.

“You’re really pretty right now, and I want the world to know that I have you all to myself.” Natalie said and stood up on her tippy toes to place a kiss just above the collar of Mary’s brand new shirt.

Mary mumbled a reply, while self-consciously running her free hand through her now much shorter hair.

Natasha had not expected big bad AD Hill to be that adorable ever.

She hadn’t thought she’d ever be capable of seeing anyone besides Liho as adorable either.

 

“How does pizza sound?”

“Like an amazing relief from all this stuffiness, kind of want to wear a bib to protect the outfit though.”

“That’s what dry cleaning is for Masha.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, kudos and comments are appreciated, and you can yell at me, with ideas for dates etc. at http://offbrand-valk.tumblr.com/


	6. Maddie and Nadia pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well it's blackhill week, and today's prompt is fake dating, so i figured, why write a new story when i have this old and underutilized story just lying around?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclaimer, this chapter was adapted from an old WIP i've had lying around, so if the writing is a bit wonky in places, that's probably because my writing style has changed a lot since i first wrote this, so I was trying to mimic my old style

Natasha hadn’t had a vacation in… ever.

There had been laying low to protect covers, there had been extended periods of inactivity to recover from injuries, but never in her life had she taken a vacation.

What’s more, she was actually excited for it, this was a huge step for Natasha.

 

Strictly speaking it wasn’t Natasha going on vacation, it was Nadia Hughes and her wife Maddie.

The difference was subtle, but crucial. Madeleine was a little more uptight than Maria, Nadia was a little more cutesy than Natasha.

They met by the train station, comfortably switching into their characters.

 

Before either of them could think too hard about it, Nadia was pulled into a quick kiss/hug.

In a cruel reversal of fates, Nadia found herself stammering “hey.”

To which her wife replied with a lopsided grin and a “Hey yourself.”

 

They took each other by the hand, and dragged their luggage along with them.

They had a long trip ahead of them.

 

Maddie read a boring (at least in Nadia’s opinion) book about some historic battle or another.

Nadia rested her bare feet in the brunette’s lap, and leaned back. She could get used to this.

Before long she found herself humming, a slow, sad tune, with a hint of hope, that she couldn’t quite remember the words for.

“Old Maui? That seems a bit tongue in cheek don’t you think.” Came a deadpan reply from behind the thick book.

“So that’s what’s it called, you’re a life saver babe!” She replied swinging her body around to face the book, and the woman beneath it.

“It’s what I’m here for, saving lives, and looking good.” Natasha didn’t know where all the confidence had come from but she was enjoying it.

“Does the patron saint of handsomeness happen to remember the lyrics too.” She asked, using her toes to pull the book out of Maddie’s grasp.

“Yes but she can’t carry a tune to save her life, as you are well aware, miss part-time auteur, full time perfect wife.” Maddie sent her a look that said “don’t fight me on this” which only encouraged Nadia.

“C’mon sweetie, for me!” The last word was dragged out, into a childish whine.

 

Maddie gradually leaned into Nadia’s personal space, giving Natasha plenty of opportunity to tell her it was too much.

With their faces less than a centimeter apart, Maddie dove forward and latched on to Nadia’s lower lip.

Not one to be out-done, Nadia wrapped her arms around Maddie’s neck.

Full on making out wasn’t part of their agreement, in fact they had agreed it wouldn’t be part of their thing, neither of them wanted to point that out.

Eventually they had to break apart, Maddie was quick to break the awkward ice. “F Y I I’m still not singing with you.”

Just like that she had gone back to hiding behind her book.

Which was probably for the better.

 

The couples resort plan had started out as a joke, about how close and cozy they'd gotten. Then somehow it made it's way into the running for hypothetical future dates,

Checking in as Madeleine and Nadia Hughes it suddenly felt very real.

 

Their room was small but luxurious, and soundproofed which Natasha first thought suspicious, until she realized what usually went on in those rooms at night.

Natasha hid weapons while Maria checked for bugs. Then they inspected each other’s handiwork, never needing to say a single word.

They worked very well together Natasha thought.

With everything in order, the redhead placed herself in front of the door to get Hill’s undivided attention.

 

“So, how would you feel if we skipped out on, what was it? couples’ yoga? And talked a bit about our feelings?” Natasha gestured meaningfully to the single bed that stood ominously in the center of the room.

“Couples’ Pilates actually, and yeah that sounds like a good idea.” Of course Hill knew that.

“How do you wanna play this?”

“I think a better question is: how do we feel comfortable playing this?” Maria sat down on the bed, and patted the spot next to her.

“Okay so how do you feel comfortable about playing this?” Natasha flopped down next to the brunette and bumped her shoulder.

“It’s not the first time I’ve had to share a cot with a squadmate, if we treat it like that I’ll be fine. About PDA’s we should probably turn it down a little from the train ride.”

They looked awkwardly away from each other.

“Yeah we got a bit carried away didn’t we?”

“By we you mean?” Natasha was fairly sure they both knew who she meant by “we”.

“Nadia and Maddie.” She also knew Maria would be happier with a white lie, than a promise the Black Widow couldn’t keep.

“That’s a relief, I just needed to be sure I wasn’t misunderstanding things and all that.” Maria Hill was a good liar, just not good enough to fool Natasha.

 

Couples’ massages were supposed to be a nice relaxing thing.

Natasha just couldn’t get past all the touching, and the calming voice telling her that she had a lot of tension.

At last she just gave up on trying to have a good time, and slid into Nadia’s relaxed and cocky persona.

 

“You’re not enjoying yourself too much are you sweetie?” There wasn’t a hint of jealousy in Nadia’s words, just empty conversation and teasing.

“No I think I’m enjoying myself just enough as is, don’t wanna make these nice masseurs uncomfortable do we?” Maddie turned her head in the direction of her, and gave her a smile that made her heart flutter like it had on their wedding day.

“Maybe I should start taking classes, then I could treat you like the queen you are from the comfort of our own home.”

“I’m sorry babe, but I don’t think a smog filled view of a DC highway can match the clean mountain air, no matter how hard you try.”

“That sounds like a challenge if I’ve ever heard one.”

Maddie took one long, and slightly scared look at her wife. “Please don’t do anything that could traumatize the staff.”

Their hands slotted together between the bed they were lying on, and Nadia began stroking the back of Maddie’s hand with her thump.

(How did she keep forgetting how comfortable Maria’s hand was?)

“Fine, if you insist.” She answered, with a dramatic sigh.

 

One of the things, besides their mutual adoration, that had brought Maddie and Nadia together, was their shared love for buffet’s.

As luck would have it, that was just the way the resort served all their meals.

On the way up for their 3rd portions, they passed a couple, where the woman was scolding her husband for overfilling his plate.

Never one to mind her own beeswax, Nadia struck up a conversation with them, while her wife was building the leaning tower of meat.

A minute later she was really regretting not focusing on proving that she was better than Maddie at building meat towers.

And that they didn’t serve hard liquor with the meals.

The Suarez’s weren’t homophobic in the classic scream-y way, where Nadia could have just slapped them and moved on with her life.

No they were that annoying kind of homophobic, who “obviously didn’t mind gay people” while at the same time deliberately mishearing every reference Nadia made to her wife.

 

After her 3rd failed attempt at trying to explain her part time job as a freelance graphic designer, Maddie finally came to her rescue, carrying as much food as both of the Suarez’s put together.

Which was good cause Nadia was just about ready to try and knock herself on unconscious, by banging her head against the table.

The lecherous look Mr. Suarez sent them, as Maddie placed a soft kiss on Nadia’s cheek, made Natasha quietly plan his hypothetical, tragic accident.

 

Mrs. Suarez suddenly turned to Maddie, who was busy trying to stop her wife from stealing her prawns, and asked her: “Nadia tells me you 2 have been in love since high school, tell me what is your secret?”

The _is_ was drawn out for a painfully long time, giving Maddie plenty of time to contemplate her answer, and finish chewing her food.

“I would have to say being with a person that makes you happy, whom you love very much is a good start, but having frequent mutually enjoyable blood sex in public certainly helps. By the way you should try out the sauna, it’s simply divine.” Maddie answered, then they both casually walked off whilst the Suarezes picked their jaws back up off the floor.

 

After dinner they retreated to their room for the rest of the night.

Sure there was a party in the evening, but Nadia, Maddie, Natasha, and Maria all thought it sounded about as funny as getting your hair stuck in a trash compactor.

They were starting to suspect that they were the only couple there below the age of 45, not to mention in a functioning relationship.

 

Nadia was missing her Playstation, and in protest had confiscated Maddie's books to better demand her attention.

How exactly that led to them playing a made-up on the spot game that was a mix between poker and five-finger-fillet where you had to discard an article of clothing when you lost a round was a mystery.

But it did involve using S.H.I.E.L.D. tactics that was a bit outside the reach of Nadia and Maddie to quietly raid the open bar at the party.

They ended up playing to a complete tie, Maria's calculating mind proving more than a match for Natasha's knife skills.

 

The plan had been for them to just quietly go to bed. However they were naked, drunk, and maybe just a little pent up.

And in their place there was no way Nadia and Maddie were keeping their hands off each other.

So the obvious thing happened and neither of them really minded.

 

"For the record, I think Nadia thoroughly enjoyed that." Natasha said to clear up any potential misunderstandings, whilst looking distinctly like the cat who got the cream

"So did Maddie, if all the screaming, thrashing, and that one blackout wasn't evidence enough." Maria replied, not even the slightest embarrassed by her response to the Black Widow's ministration.

It would have been like being embarrassed about losing an archery competition to Hawkeye after downing 5 beers and getting a concussion (Her dry spell was really that bad).

"So... we're fuckbuddies now?" Natasha asked, trying to make small talk. She was a bit uncertain of what to do, since this was the point of the night she would usually feign sleep until her partner began snoring then go rummaging around for secrets.

"No, we just occasionally play the role of 2 people who have sex for our own enjoyment." Maria said, in a casually friendly, yet firm manner.

"Semantics." Natasha replied and blew a stray hair out of her eyes.

"Not to me." Of that much Maria was certain, since only one of those options required her to confront the fact that she might view Natasha as more than just _a friend from work_.


End file.
